Hey everyone..
Currently I am laying in bed with a 101 degree fever, with lots of chills and back pain. BOOO! I am so angry this happened right now. We just buried my grandfather yesterday, and I am beginning to have the feeling of being a peace, and then I spike a fever. It's so frustrating to me because like I said before, this past month I have felt my best...and now I feel like I'm taking two steps back. Not only am I bummed to feel like crap again, I HATE missing work. We have on calls, so everyday I am out, someone has to come into work for me. That is never fun when you are looking forward to a day off. The whole weekend I was out on bereavement which someone had to cover, and the first day I am scheduled to go back to work, I can't. I feel like a burden to my unit and it really sucks. Luckily, I work with the most amazing and supportive group of nurses that are very understanding. (Thanks guys if you are reading this!)
Why I have this fever, I don't know. About every couple months I seem to have these random fevers. Oddly, it seems to be after I have over done or over worked myself. Since about last Thursday, I haven't been sleeping well and my appetite has been next to nothing. Usually, these fevers seem to resolve on their own and it basically is my crappy immune system reminding me to take it easy. Frustration!!!! I want to LIVE these next few days/weeks/months before this major surgery...not be laid up in a bed with a heating pad. I want to live my life as close to normal as possible.
I have tried for awhile to not make this transplant stuff overcome my entire exsistance and being, but it's kinda hard not to let that happen. This is my life...this is a huge deal and obviously a huge part of who I am.
I want to say thank you for all of my readers. I never expected to hear such a great response from so many people..."I have really enjoyed reading your blog." That was so good to hear. Welcome to all of the new readers!
And one more thing, I cannot say thank you enough to everyone for all of the support I have recieved not only in the past week with my grandfathers passing, but through everything...especially this transplant journey!
---R
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Sunday, September 27, 2009
sad weekend...
Friday morning, Heaven gained another angel. My grandfather..otherwise known as "Pop," passed away peacefully. He had a very rough last few weeks and he is now in a better place. A place without suffering..a place where he can breathe without struggle and do all of the things he hasn't been able to do in a long time since he has been sick with emphysema.
My family from Florida got into town last night and we are spending much needed time together. Looking at pictures and talking about all the good times. It is good to have some laughs. And all of the support from my friends and co-workers has been absolutely amazing. I am extremely blessed to have such people in my life.
The arrangement information is as follows :
William Greives... viewing at DudaRuck funeral home 2-4 and 6-8 Monday, tomorrow the 27th. And the funeral is at the same place at 12pm. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to the American Lung Association.
I'll never forget all of the memories... teaching me tounge twisters, showing me how to properly salute like a marine, banging pots and pans on New Years Eve, and for being the first person to show me how to do chest PT at the age of 7..which is a skill I do everyday now! I love you Pop, may you rest in peace.
Keep up the prayers...
Love, Rachael xx
My family from Florida got into town last night and we are spending much needed time together. Looking at pictures and talking about all the good times. It is good to have some laughs. And all of the support from my friends and co-workers has been absolutely amazing. I am extremely blessed to have such people in my life.
The arrangement information is as follows :
William Greives... viewing at DudaRuck funeral home 2-4 and 6-8 Monday, tomorrow the 27th. And the funeral is at the same place at 12pm. In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to the American Lung Association.
I'll never forget all of the memories... teaching me tounge twisters, showing me how to properly salute like a marine, banging pots and pans on New Years Eve, and for being the first person to show me how to do chest PT at the age of 7..which is a skill I do everyday now! I love you Pop, may you rest in peace.
Keep up the prayers...
Love, Rachael xx
Thursday, September 17, 2009
been too long!
Hi everyone!
Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Not much new on the health front..but I can say that lately I have felt better than I have all year! It's crazy, and it feels good. It makes me want to take this time and do everything possible! Go out, dance, have fun with my friends....because so soon the call is going to come and completely change my life. I will have to start from scratch...and fight all over again. I am definitely very very scared. I have even been having dreams of getting the call and being so worried. I know it's whats best for me though..and whats meant to be.
Even though I'm feeling pretty good as far as health wise, it's been tough cause my grandfather is very very ill and now in hospice care. It is extremely hard for me to watch him wither away to nothing. I have never really watched someone die before..and it is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I have a hard time coping..and find myself avoiding going to see him because it completely consumes me and breaks my heart into pieces. I am a nurse, I help people...but this I cannot fix and it drives me crazy. My poor mother and grandmother are doing so much for him and are truly amazing people for being so strong through this. Much stronger than I.
I don't know how hospice/geriatric nurses do it...to care for someone that was once so full of life that now has lost all control, all dignity and is just ready to tell the world goodbye. It eats me up inside... I take care of kids...and thats all I really know. Even the very sick ones still have that resiliency in their eyes and most still manage to play and keep trying. The kids I care for amaze me.
I have recently taken care of the cutest most sweet 3 year old patient. He has had some trouble with his kidneys completely out of nowhere and has had a very rough go in the hospital. But this special little man still manages to giggle, smile and say "thank you." It's so hard when, like me, these health problems come completely out of nowhere and you have to figure out how to deal. Do you crawl in a ball and hide? Or do you just roll with the punches and understand this was brought on for a reason..and God doesn't give you more than you can handle? You take the problem head on and play with the cards you have been delt. This boys mother has been his rock and such a good influence through all of this. Pushing him hard to play, eat and get his strength back. It is so refreshing to me to see families like this. It's who you have by your side when the going gets tough is who really matters.
Anyway..please keep my family in your prayers. We are strong though, and seem to makes it through anything. I am very lucky.
Have a good weekend!
xx-Rachael
Sorry it's been so long since I've updated. Not much new on the health front..but I can say that lately I have felt better than I have all year! It's crazy, and it feels good. It makes me want to take this time and do everything possible! Go out, dance, have fun with my friends....because so soon the call is going to come and completely change my life. I will have to start from scratch...and fight all over again. I am definitely very very scared. I have even been having dreams of getting the call and being so worried. I know it's whats best for me though..and whats meant to be.
Even though I'm feeling pretty good as far as health wise, it's been tough cause my grandfather is very very ill and now in hospice care. It is extremely hard for me to watch him wither away to nothing. I have never really watched someone die before..and it is probably one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I have a hard time coping..and find myself avoiding going to see him because it completely consumes me and breaks my heart into pieces. I am a nurse, I help people...but this I cannot fix and it drives me crazy. My poor mother and grandmother are doing so much for him and are truly amazing people for being so strong through this. Much stronger than I.
I don't know how hospice/geriatric nurses do it...to care for someone that was once so full of life that now has lost all control, all dignity and is just ready to tell the world goodbye. It eats me up inside... I take care of kids...and thats all I really know. Even the very sick ones still have that resiliency in their eyes and most still manage to play and keep trying. The kids I care for amaze me.
I have recently taken care of the cutest most sweet 3 year old patient. He has had some trouble with his kidneys completely out of nowhere and has had a very rough go in the hospital. But this special little man still manages to giggle, smile and say "thank you." It's so hard when, like me, these health problems come completely out of nowhere and you have to figure out how to deal. Do you crawl in a ball and hide? Or do you just roll with the punches and understand this was brought on for a reason..and God doesn't give you more than you can handle? You take the problem head on and play with the cards you have been delt. This boys mother has been his rock and such a good influence through all of this. Pushing him hard to play, eat and get his strength back. It is so refreshing to me to see families like this. It's who you have by your side when the going gets tough is who really matters.
Anyway..please keep my family in your prayers. We are strong though, and seem to makes it through anything. I am very lucky.
Have a good weekend!
xx-Rachael
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